How much can parents expect their children to do?

I was reading a newspaper article on the great wave of loneliness experienced by parents of adult children in this generation. It says that parents are being left alone to fend for themselves while children move away and lead their own lives. It also says that those children are selfish and are only looking out for themselves and have forgotten all their parents have done for them. They have taken all their resources and have now abandoned them. I beg to differ in one fundamental way! we have to change our attitude as a society. Young people in our country are already burdened with pressures that simply did not exist earlier. our parents did lead simpler lives, were in joint families, and had a lot of cheap help available. Our parents had one or a maximum of two children, so the burden of taking care of the older generation is spread amongst a smaller group. Added to that, we are unable to get help, even when we are ready to pay for it and if our parents' attitude is that we cannot move then how is the child able to work their jobs and care for their parents.  This generation is struggling with parochial attitudes, the need for the women to work outside the home and work within,, male partners who believe that they need not lift a finger, and mothers of men who expect their daughters-in-law to work outside, and give them luxuries, and allow the parents in law to treat them like slaves. 

There are two or three factors at work here. One, parents cannot treat their children as their slaves or property anymore, two, the children did not ask for what you gave them willingly. You did it for bragging rights so stop expecting them to treat you like God, three, learn to be independent, and be proud of it. We need to have financial planning in advance, have an end-of-life plan, and have a sunny attitude to life. Of course, a whole lot of this is dependent on your financial and educational status. However, I have seen so many well-educated women and men who want to cling to the outdated mode of "my children have to care for me even as the parent has just crossed 50".  For example, take my mother-in-law, her plan in life to get all the attention was to flap around helplessly although she is a university graduate. Only because she wanted to feel important and order people around. Now because she was so awful and her behavior deteriorated she does not have the support she would have had if she had behaved well. Unfortunately, her way is the norm. I was told by another member of my husband's family, that she does not want to take an initiative because then her husband would not do anything. 

The point I am trying to make here is that we have to change attitudes. Children should not be forced to give up their dreams because you can't get your act together. My mother-in-law had huge support. In contrast, I need to do everything myself including catering for a 50 people dinner party at least once a month in which I have to do everything. I don't have the luxury of a cook and a driver so have no energy or patience to hear the whining of a 60 year old woman who can't be bothered to pick up the phone and sort out a salon appointment.

Senior citizen communities where your basic needs are met and a community feel is there must be encouraged. Why should my parent feel tied down by my schedule just because they are staying with me.? Similarly why cant children enjoy their youth without having to feel guilty about their parents' entertainment constantly?

Another really difficult thing is that women are expected to care for their in-laws but what about their own parents? If they are only children or have no brothers what happens?  Do people understand the huge crushing burden of this?  

So please before passing judgment on another generation step back and think. We have to rebuild societal structures to cater to the changing situations and needs of society. let people make themselves useful. There is so much a senior citizen can contribute if they stop thinking that their age entitles them to be disrespectful, rude, and a general pain and instead think about how they can enhance their own lives and that of the society around them by being useful in some way.  

My rant can go on and on because there has to be a fundamental change in our society's thought process. If we can make ourselves independent of our children in our minds, plan for our old age, and think about how we can contribute to society then many of these issues will be solved. I for one have told my child, that I expect her to do what she can out of love not out of duty, our expectations as parents are only this. We birthed her, educated her, and took care of her because we chose to do that. That is our duty and we cannot force our choices on her.