A teenager! the very word bring terror to the hearts of parents everywhere in the world. The mood swings, the rebellion, the anger, and the angst, the thought of all that leaves parents shaking in their shoes. A parenting guru once commented it is a trial by fire and one which teaches you how many reservoirs of patience, love, and acceptance you hold within you.
So what can we do to make it easier for us and for the child? I think a lot of times mothers are going through menopause around the time the children are teens. If one looks at many religious and philosophical texts one realises that in most situations, your own reaction is what controls the outcome of an interaction.
I realised that in most interactions with my teenager which went south most of the time it was my reaction that caused it. If I had been calmer and more reasonable then perhaps the interaction would be better. I must put it out here that compared to many teenagers my child is a saint. So for her to rebel and shout at me is very unlike her but there have been times when I really wanted to give her away.
So is there any checklist one can tick off in order to have a successful relationship with your teen. I have asked many friends with teen boys and girls and based on what they have said here are a few pointers:-
1. Stay calm no matter what.
2. Make sure you parent as a unit. Make a list of deal-breakers in advance and both parents stick to it. Don't bad mouth your partner/spouse to the kids whatever happens even as a joke. Your relationship problems are not theirs. They need a safety net in a chaotic world, be that safety net.
3. Expect their peers and friends to be more important in their lives than you. It is part of the evolutionary genetic code for survival. You can best give them the values you want them to have and give them a good peer group to interact with.
4. Never ever criticize their friends. Because if you do even if they agree with you, they will want to stick to them more because it annoys you.
5. Be honest with them always but be nice. They need to know you have their back always regardless.
6. Tell them you love them a million times every day whether they say it to you or not. Teens are always insecure and they need reminding that they are loved regardless of what happens.
7. Remember to keep your prejudices locked away tight or thrown in the trash. The world is changing every day. You are outdated the minute you open your mouth.
8. Above all listen to them genuinely. Turn off your phone and listen when they come to talk. These opportunities will be few and far between. Grab it with both hands.
9. Expect the best from them, and tell them that. The lessons are being absorbed. Give them a stable family life, being happy yourself brings happiness to the family. Teach them to look for possibilities everywhere and keep an open mind.
10. Lead by example. They are watching everything you do and say and are able to pick up the subtlest of hints
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